choke or joke?

A choke and a joke have one thing in common – no good in keeping either to yourself.

clock ticking

Whenever you hear the clock tick, you’re not doing your job.

black holes

Some black holes may really be entrances to other worlds, but sadly most black holes are just entrances to a world of shit.

door

When there’s someone at the door – do you get it or do you let them in?

work, good

Do not grieve if other people do not recognize your good work, grieve if other people recognize your bad work.

virtue

I believe every man should develop as much virtue as he can and just as much vice for balance.

four walls

Life inside four walls may be dull, but without the walls you can’t stop the ceiling from falling on your head.

stress-relief

There are two successful methods of stress-relief – cooking and eating. Unfortunately there is one very certain stress inducing method – shopping. Figure out how to do the first and the second without doing the third, and you’re set for life.

computer bugs

One way to get rid of programming bugs is to somehow make them seem useful.

sharks

Sharks never eat people. In fact they are much like us – very inquisitive, and they simply compensate for the lack of fingers by using teeth.

animals, love

I love animals. I keep many different species. In my freezer, mostly.

a pen or a sword?

The pen is mightier than the sword – try boarding a plane carrying a sword.

computers

98 % of all problems solved by computers originate in computers.

dogs, good

The good thing about dogs is that they don't have wings. This way looking down is enough to avoid what they leave behind.

my difficult name

It's difficult to remember my name. I know. It took me several years to learn it.

realism

Realism is humor without the fun bits.

mattresses

Give me a big enough mattress and I'll jump off any tall building!

dogs, concept of time

Dogs have a great concept of time, it’s also highly dynamic – some might say chaotic.

improvisers

An improviser is one who makes mistakes consistently.

heavy drinking

I am not a heavy drinker. Seventy-some kilos in body weight is not that heavy.

french wine

French wine tastes fantastic until you drink it.

books, use

I find little use of books. I don’t own a fireplace.

gravel

The sound of gravel hitting the coffin is best heard on the outside.

swimming

I can swim, but I focus on not having to.